Life is not easy.
But what is more difficult is regret.
I often share a story from the stage about a conversation I had with a man in his 80’s. We were talking about life and death. He said to me, “Do you know what it’s like to regret your life? No, Sara. You don’t. But I do.”
That struck a chord.
How many of us are not living to our full potential?
How many of us have goals and dreams that we set aside because we don’t think we are worthy?
How many of us hide behind meaningless tasks, reasons for not pushing ourselves to potential, because we don’t think we are enough?
Like many of you, I grew up with the show Friends, and my kids love it, too. In fact, my 22-year-old son was as saddened by Matthew Perry’s passing as I was.
What struck me about Matthew Perry were the countless times that he didn’t feel he was “enough.” Even with the fame, the fortune, and how much we all loved him. He didn’t feel worthy. 
No one can convince you that you are lovable or worthy.
This is the inner-work for each one of us:
- To learn to love ourselves, and to believe in our own worthiness.
- To not self-sabotage our life while gifted this time on earth.
You see, I’ve experienced addictions firsthand with those I loved.
It’s a hard journey to be a part of. And it’s a hard journey to watch.
Being in an addict’s life means setting strong boundaries. This can be hard for those who are empathetic – for those who hate seeing someone destroy their own life.
But what is worse than watching someone destroy their life is unnecessarily losing your own in the process.
Where does self-sabotage come into play here?
Self-sabotage is when you hinder your own success.
We all do it at some point in our lives. The important thing is to recognize the behavior, and to choose otherwise.
Self-sabotage: is it the easy way out? Yes.
Doing the work to accomplish success can be hard, albeit worth it.
Here are three common self-sabotaging behaviors, and how to work through them. Do you relate?
1. Procrastination: People who self-sabotage often procrastinate. They find meaningless excuses and ways to fill their time in order to put off their dreams, goals, and ambitions. Perhaps the underlying reason is a feeling of unworthiness. Maybe there is fear of disappointing others or self, a fear of failure, or a fear of succeeding.
>> Take one step at a time.
Mountain climbing is a metaphor for me. When I am exhausted by my day, I go back to climbing big peaks. Take a break. Give yourself an allotted amount of time. But don’t stop. Every littlest of steps will get you to your destination. And most importantly, you deserve to be here, or you wouldn’t be here.
2. Perfectionism: Many of us hold ourselves back with impossible standards. We want to get it right the first time, but in reality, this strategy hampers success. Most perfectionists end up feeling ashamed if they don’t get it right, or if they “fall off the wagon” on the journey to their goals. In reality, we don’t have to be ready – we just have to start. And not getting it right gives room for growth.
>> Aim for excellence, not perfection.
When things don’t go according to plan, use that space to adjust and make small improvements. And don’t forget to look back and see how far you have come. Taking note of progress is key.
3. Self-medication: Those who feel “not good enough” or “unworthy” of what they really want out of life will oftentimes use drugs, alcohol, or other forms of addiction to numb and avoid the battle that lies within themselves. How many of you have sat with, “Do I deserve this? It feels too good to be true.” The thing is, we are all born worthy. We are all born enough. Working through these underlying stories means breaking the barriers to achieve our success.
>> Seek help.
Surround yourself with people who support you. Find a therapist and/or coach who will guide you on this journey back to self-love and worthiness. There are many programs to choose from, but don’t get discouraged or overwhelmed. Instead, remember that your journey is yours and will look very different from anyone else’s. One step at a time.
Let’s go back to the conversation with the man in his 80’s. He asked, “Do you know what it’s like to regret your life?”
Me personally? No, I don’t.
Even with all that I have lived through, there is nothing that I regret.. This is because of how I’ve chosen to live through those darkest times.
And hopefully, I will continue to live this way.
Whenever you begin to self-sabotage your own success, don’t take the easy way out.
Don’t give into procrastination, perfection, or self-medication.
Instead, do the hard work and dive into personal development. Seek help from those who support you. And remember how worthy you are of everything you have ever wanted.
You are enough.
xo
Sara
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