Living Boldly

Mission: I am … a guide that leads you
to release your fears and
Scale Your BadAss Grand Life

Every day we are writing our Life Story. Every new experience, new relationship, new moment in life become words within our Personal Novel. These words become paragraphs – the paragraphs become chapters. Some people choose to share the chapters in their lives with others … and some people don’t.

I truly believe that this is the year of StoryTelling.

This is the year when both women and men will choose to stand up and share their Life Story with one another. I believe that in the pursuit of sharing, we are guiding and helping each other.

In sharing, we are telling others, “I have been there. You are not alone.”

In sharing, we are telling others, “It’s ok to cry. To laugh. To scream. To forgive.”

In sharing, we are healing others … and ourselves.

One of my favorite quotes: “You are only as sick as your secrets.” My hope and challenge for you in 2018 is to find the courage to share chapters of your own life – and listen to those sharing theirs.

This world needs to see that “In Differences, We Find Our Likenesses”…. contribute to the conversation and together, let’s be a #ForceOfChange.

Sara In The Red Heels: TIP about Hiking or Health

Buy a Compass. This has been a regular joke on the trails … one of which I will share more of in my upcoming book. Know where the sun sets (the West) and where the sun rises (the East).

Be Aware of the Direction you are Headed.

Both in Life … AND on the Trail!

 

This campaign has stirred up so many emotions for me this past week. I’ve had conversations with friends, discussed this with clients, lost sleep on it, slept on it, read others’ blog posts and followed those who have said #MeToo. The numbers are astounding.

Society needs to not only allow victims to speak up – we also need to listen. And here is why.

I experienced sexual assault as a teenager. In a town of 1,100 people where this sort of thing “just doesn’t happen”, I lost many friends and heard the whispers of “did it really happen”.
I went to the police. They didn’t believe me and refused to press charges.
I had to get a restraining order on the man who assaulted me in order to feel safe.
To say that I-and those closest to me-went through Hell is an understatement.

Luckily, I have an amazing family and an incredible group of friends who supported me through it all. I learned a lot about life. I learned a lot about MY life.

I am, quite honestly, stronger today because of what I went through.
I have courage. I have strength. I have learned the importance of believing in others.
I tried to use my voice. It wasn’t enough then. Hopefully it is enough now.

I have Forgiveness for the man who raped me.

Now a Life and Leadership Coach, I share my stories for others to learn from. I climb mountains and paddle deep into the ocean without fear. I guide women/men through adversity on Coaching and Hiking Retreats throughout the United States. I speak out for Human Empowerment and I believe in the Goodness of Mankind. I carry my red heels to every Summit and put them on as a Testament that despite all of which has happened, “I Love the Woman and Mom that I Have Become.”

I am, quite honestly, stronger today because of what I went through.
What haunts me isn’t that it happened. What haunts me is that had others listened and had the police believed me, he could have been stopped from trying to do it again.
I tried to use my voice. It wasn’t enough then. Hopefully it is enough now.

Please read below an excerpt from my writing. This is what it felt like for me, from a young woman’s perspective:

“Going to the police station to file the initial charges was incredibly intimidating. Trembling, I had to look the policemen in the eyes, these total strangers, and tell them what had happened. Saying out loud that I had been raped felt so degrading. Throughout the investigation, I felt this fearful vulnerability as I knew that they were rejecting my words and questioning my honesty. Imprinted upon my memory is their steely, judging gaze. Explaining what had happened with every painstaking detail, I relived that night over and over again. In the end, I was not believed. The investigators concluded that my case held insufficient evidence to warrant charges being pressed. My case was dropped. My faith in others was waning-who could I trust?

My mom insisted that I face my greatest fears in order to come out of my shadows of shame. She exclaimed, “We are going to walk down Main Street together. You are going to hold your head high. I will walk beside you.” In the late afternoon and into the evening, Mom would walk beside me. Step after step, she offered words of encouragement: “Smile with confidence and don’t let others’ judgments define you.” Slowly I became used to our mother-daughter jaunts. Slowly people would approach me to say hi. The strength of my mother’s unconditional love and fortitude at that time was the place I recharged my own wavering courage. My mom forged the path of healing through those walks. I never imagined the impact that the simple act of walking would have on my life. Those walks provided a far greater impact on my ability to face my anxiety at that time, as well as preparing me for the life I lead today as a Coach and Wilderness Guide. The first stages of my resilience training was placing one foot in front of the other while continuing to believe in myself.

Yet even through it all, I began to have this unresolved feeling in the pit of my stomach, “If others and the authorities didn’t believe me, did any of this really happen?” Sadly, due to society, I began to question my own mind. I begged for God to send me a message from above. I needed to know that I was not going crazy.

I needed affirmation to not doubt my own judgement. I waited a long time for that affirmation, and it came at a price.

A few years later, when I was a college student working a typical day at my waitressing job, I served a couple who struck up a conversation with me. After a few glasses of red wine, the woman quietly inquired, “Do you know …(?)…?” I desperately wanted to flee. My knees locked and froze as I cautiously responded, “Yes, why?” It was my perpetrator.

Needless to say and without going into painful detail, he tried on her what he had done to me. Immediately I knew this was the affirmation that I needed to fully move on in my life. As painful as the exchange was with this woman, it was something that we both, coincidentally, needed to hear. We were not alone. This did happen to us-it did not have to be that way. We believed each other.”

This is the first time I have shared my story in writing and spoken publicly of any of this. I can only hope that-this time-it is not in vain.

I am, quite honestly, stronger today because of what I went through. But let me make it clear: I would not wish this sh#t on anyone. Not even my perpetrator.
I tried to use my voice. It wasn’t enough then. Hopefully it is enough now.

My plea, my biggest plea to all of you is simply this: LISTEN.
If someone tells you something, do not push their words aside or dismiss their experience.
Be empathetic. Have the courage yourself to hold space for the other person.

Support and love one another. You may never know who’s world you are shifting in the process.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “When you know better … you do better.”

Peeps … we know better. Please, let’s all do better.
xo
Sara

from the village of Cizur with Pamplona in the distance

I have had three various people ask me this week, “Where do YOU go to find guidance in your life?” Smiling as the words passed through my brain, visions of all my Elder Friends flashed before my eyes.

My Elder Friends=My Guidance Buddies

As a society, we take for granted those that are older than us. I don’t understand why. Why would you put down a good book that holds the key to life when it sits before you?  I gain so much insight and wisdom from those that are older than me, many of which I have sat and talked up while resting trailside.  Some of those elder friends of mine have become my best friends.

I think about Ken Hayes, who at 77 years old was hiking up the North Kaibab Trail in the Grand Canyon.  Seeing him alone, I knew he had a story to share. Stopping to rest alongside him, we talked life.  I learned it was his birthday.  I learned about his family, his life, his Conquest in the Canyon.  His blue eyes showered me with kindness, empathy, and knowledge about living.  We instantly became best friends.  As my life fell apart and back together again over the last three years, I called Ken for guidance.  His own Life Journey and Experiences gave me Wisdom and Clarity for my own.  Coincidentally, it was his cabin in the Appalachian Mountains where I chose to escape and write much of my upcoming book.

Every so often, I ask Guest Bloggers to write about their experiences in life.  At 77 years old, Jim “Papa” Reach is a man unlike many men that I know.  He also Chooses to Truly Live and Live Boldly.  “Papa” Reach’s grandkids and my middle son went to the same school.  I would often times see “Papa” Reach at sporting events, coaching alongside his son, always a part of bettering our community.  He is a true inspiration, role model, and one that Values his family and friends beyond anything in life.

“Papa” Reach recently hiked The Camino de Santiago, a pilgrimage route to the shrine of the apostle St. James the Great in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia in northwestern Spain, where tradition has it that the remains of the saint are buried.  Many follow its route as a form of spiritual growth and enlightenment.  Please enjoy reading about “Papa” Reach’s trek, taking nuggets of his journey and applying them to your own.  That is what learning from your Elder’s is all about.

Thank you, Jim “Papa” Reach.

“Put more emphasis on the inner path rather than the physical one.  Live everyday to the fullest, but don’t be in a hurry.”

TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF:

I am a 77-year old graduate of the University of California, Los Angeles that has been happily married to my wife, Carrie Patrick Reach, for 54 years.  We are active, retired college teachers that reside in Newport Beach.

We have three successful children, and seven special grandchildren that all live in southern California.

As I mentioned above, I am active.  Always have been.  Athletics have always been a part of my life—as a participant and coach in high school and college, and then as a college baseball coach. 

After completion of college, I was a recreational runner for years until my knees no longer allowed me to.  I then switched to biking where I rode for years until I had back complications.  About fifteen years ago, I turned to daily walking.  I currently walk 4-6 miles six days a week.  I am a member of the Newport Beach Oasis Senior Fitness Center where I stretch daily and lift light weights every other day.

Satchel Paige, the great baseball pitcher from years past, who was still pitching at the age of 60, was once asked how he continued to have success in his field at such a late stage in his life.  He replied, “Keep moving.  Don’t look back.  Someone might be gaining on you.”  I have tried to follow this advice throughout my adult life.

TELL US ABOUT YOUR LATEST ADVENTURE.  WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO TAKE ON THIS CHALLENGE?

I am an advocate of PBS television and about ten years ago I was watching a Rick Steve’s travel documentary on Spain’s Camino de Santiago.  I was intrigued. 

As walking became a part of my daily schedule, I met many people on the sidewalks and in the canyons of Orange County.  Earlier this year, I met a 71-year old woman while hiking Bomer Canyon in Irvine.  She had recently completed the Camino de Santiago (482 miles across northern Spain) in 45 days by herself.   She plans to do it in the opposite direction next year.  Her story was amazing.  I was now more than just intrigued.

Then I saw the movie “The Way”  (2010), starring Martin Sheen, about a father/son relationship that ended up with the father paying homage to his son’s death by walking the Camino.  I was “hooked”.  I now believed I could do this. 

WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT DURING YOUR ADVENTURE?

I originally planned to complete the Camino in somewhere between 31-35 days, averaging 15 miles a day.  At the completion of my walk to Santiago de Compostela, I had covered the Camino Frances walk in 28 days, including a one day stop to rest in the city of Leon.  I averaged just under 18 miles per day on the trail.

While waiting in line to receive my compostela (certificate of completion) in Santiago, I was answering questions regarding my trip when the interviewer mentioned to me that he had met with 100 pilgrims this day and at age 77, I was the oldest one to complete the journey.  Cool!

the entrance to where the bulls enter the Plaza de Toros in Pamplona

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE DURING YOUR ADVENTURE?

I missed my family.  I knew I would.

It is particularly important to stay focused on the walk—particularly when going downhill.  Contrary to what many people may think, it can be more difficult when descending—at times easy to lose your balance.

DID YOU EVER HAVE A MOMENT WHERE YOU QUESTIONED YOURSELF, ABILITIES, OR DECISION TO TAKE ON THIS ADVENTURE?  IF SO, WHAT DROVE YOU TO CONTINUE?

Yes. 

I was well aware that the first day of the trek (going thru the Pyrenees Mountains) would be the most strenuous.  However, I had no idea that it would be as difficult as it turned out.  The first day’s walk from St. Jean Pied de Port, France to Ronscevalless, Spain left me totally spent. 

I had trained for months here in southern California with my intention being that the actual Camino would end up being easier than my training walks.  I was shocked.

After analyzing my first day on the Camino, I believe that getting only 3 hours sleep in the two days prior to my departure from St. Jean Pied de Port was the major reason for my struggle. 

Upon arrival in the late afternoon at SJPDP, my original plan was to take a day to get acclimated before beginning the Camino.  Energy and euphoria got the best of me.  I strayed from my original plan and left amidst darkness the next morning.  It was a long day and I paid the price.  Thus, I finished day 1 with doubt as to whether I could do this.

When I awoke on the morning of day 2, I was refreshed and full of the three “V’s”—vim, vigor and vitality.  There was no longer any doubt.  I was moving on.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THAT YOU LEARNED ABOUT  YOURSELF OR OTHERS ALONG THE WAY?

I had heard and read about locals welcoming pilgrims all along the way for centuries.   I found this to be true.  Goodwill was embedded throughout my journey.  I witnessed many instances where individuals (both peregrinos and locals) went out of their way to assist others. 

A dilemma I was faced with in my early preparation for the Camino was whether to walk alone or with a fellow traveler(s).  While there is security in numbers, I chose to walk alone.  I looked forward to doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  This is not easy to do when you are traveling with companions. 

There were numerous instances along the way that I enjoyed the company of fellow peregrinos, but the bottom line was I looked forward to the start of each day’s challenge alone with great anticipation.

In conclusion, I can say that I felt much safer traveling alone in Spain then I would have here at home in the United States.

WHAT SURPRISED YOU THE MOST ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY?

Unquestionably, the weather.  I was on the trail for 27 days without rain.  This is unheard of in northern Spain.  There is a saying that “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain”.   To make a long story short, it didn’t (rain).

Before reaching the western region of Galicia, it had rained for 7 consecutive days in the area of Santiago de Compostela.  The day I arrived, the rain stopped.  I spent 3 days in the city with exceptional weather.  Two days later, while in Madrid, I checked the weather forecast for SDC.  It said rain was expected for the next 7 days.  Go figure.  Someone was watching over me.

Another factor that allowed me to progress across the country at a much faster pace and cover more ground was the fact that I experienced no foot problems on my journey.  I was pain free throughout the trip.  Many peregrinos suffer from blisters and/or ankle problems.

DID YOU MEET ANY NEW PEOPLE?  HOW?

Along the trail and stops throughout the way, I met and walked with peregrinos from all over the world.  Many have asked me where these pilgrims came from.  I tell them it is easier and quicker to list the countries they didn’t come from.

HOW HAS YOUR EXPERIENCE CHANGED YOU?  WHAT LIFE LESSONS DID YOU LEARN?

It didn’t.  I was not looking for a life changing experience.

I feel very good about my life.  I am in excellent health and blessed with a wonderful wife and family.  It doesn’t make any difference how old you are if you have your health.  It is a joy to be alive.

If I am 100 years old and feel good, then I want to be around.

Life is what you make it.

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING OTHERS TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE?

Put more emphasis on the inner path rather than the physical one. 

Live everyday to the fullest, but don’t be in a hurry.  Enjoy the people and sites around you.  I picked up a new expression along the Camino—“Tether your camel!”  I like it.  Stop and smell the roses.   

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE CONSIDERING A CHANGE WITHIN THEIR OWN LIFE?

Ask yourself:  Why am I doing this? 

Discovering who you are may be more important than where you are going.  

You have the power!  If the plusses outweigh the minuses, go for it!  A positive mental attitude will produce and maintain success.

WHAT’S NEXT FOR YOU?

I am planning a surprise for my 80^th birthday.  In the meantime I am just going to keep moving.

WHO INSPIRES YOU?

My wife.  My grandchildren.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE?

Yes!  The recipe for stuffed zucchini blossoms I ate along the Camino.

            20 fresh zucchini flowers

            ¾ cup cooked wild rice

            1/4 cup finely chopped onions

            1/4 cup finely chopped mint

            1/4cup finely chopped tomatoes

            1/4 cup finely chopped mushrooms

            4 eggs

            1 ½ cups flour

            ¾ cup x-tra virgin olive oil

            ½ cup fresh lemon juice

            salt

            pepper

            Mix the rice with all the chopped ingredients, ½ cup olive oil and lemon juice.  Take small amounts of the mixture and stuff the zucchini flowers.  Fold over the ends to seal the stuffing inside.

            Separately whip the eggs.  Dip the flowers into the whipped eggs and then coat them with flour.   Salt and pepper to taste.  Fry with the remaining olive oil in skillet until lightly browned.

ENJOY! It doesn’t get any better.

BUEN CAMINO!

December, 2016

I am a beautifully tarnished 43 year old woman in the process of starting over.

We all seem to have “date and age expectations” in life. So silly, yet true. We have these expectations that are put upon us before we are even born. There’s a due date for our birth. We will walk by the age of 1, read full sentences by the age of 5. Puberty will hit by 14 years of age. And God Forbid, you will have your license at age 16, be voting in these insane elections at age 18, married by 30… blah blah blah.

Freaking Expectations. Thanksgiving Eve, 2013. A few months after my 40th birthday, when I “should have” felt as if my life was amazing, all of my Expectations in life were obliterated. My foundation crumbled around me and in an instant, both myself and my family would be forever changed. My 17-year marriage collapsed; much of what I thought to be true, wasn’t. Without going into details (you can read the book when it’s published), I can honestly now say … 

IT. SUCKED. BIG TIME. I was NOT expecting that!

My Expectation of being married for 50 years to a life partner that would desire to explore the world with me was now Shot to Hell. Gone. Instead of having those unspoken expectations of my future, I was now grieving its loss. Vanished in the blink of an eye.

I was suddenly the “everyday mom” finding herself in a new unexpected space. My life was changing and I needed to change, too. I needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps and start over. I needed to love myself and my values. I needed to find a new identity.

So I decided: “F@ck Limiting Expectations”

I realized my need to throw out all Expectations of myself. By setting aside my Expectations, I discovered that it gave me the mental space to realize that I AM far greater and deserving than the Limited Expectations I had once put on myself. Belief systems of what I “should be” were now squashed by what I “could be” and “would be”.

Not having Expectations provided me the space to grieve, get angry, and find hope. I would walk down to the Pacific Ocean at 2 am, sit on the 28th Street lifeguard stand, and cry myself into exhaustion. In my despair, I begged God for guidance, clarity and strength. Staring at the moon, I yearned for a sign from above telling me what to do in my life.  

One minute I would feel hopeful and euphoric about my life, and in the very next moment I would find myself doubled-over in pain from fear of the unknown. Yes, I had fear. I had a lot of fear for our future.

Many times that fear of the unknown caused me to fall apart at the seams. My seams were ripped apart, torn, and shredded. I thought that I knew who I was at 40 years of age. And yet, I didn’t. Not fully, anyway. Now I was finding out what I was truly made of.

My life shifted greatly when I decided to try new things. I began to realize that I am far greater than the Expectations I or others had placed upon me. When I thought I could only run a marathon, I decided to try a 50 miler for the Hell of it. I did it. When I thought I couldn’t stand up paddle for more than 5 miles, I asked myself, “Why not?” I decided to join 50 other crazy people and paddled 22 miles to Catalina Island, ran a marathon, and paddled back home again. I did it.  When I drove to the Grand Canyon in May, 2014, I had no idea I’d be hiking it Rim to Rim. Yet I stood looking into the expansiveness of the Canyon from above and thought, “If he can do it, so can I.” I did it. Every time that I tried something new, I realized the old me dissolved giving way to a far more integrated me.  

I chose to stretch myself mentally and physically, placing Unlimited Potential for my new life and growing in ways I never thought possible. And that’s why I began my business and decided to write my book.

I’m doing it.

I had zero idea what I was getting myself into. Honestly, zero. I didn’t and still don’t have this “Grand Plan”. In place of a “Grand Plan”, I have “Grand Dreams” full of creative ideas, visions, and concepts yearning to be shared. I just want to be me. I want to inspire, educate, give back, and have others realize that they can do it, too. That “Grand Expectation Plan” was thrown out the window on Thanksgiving Eve, 2013. It sucked and still does, and I can’t change it. However, it’s made me realize that I am far more than the much dimmer Expectations I had set on “the old me.”

Yay for Life Crap Happening.

Fast Forward: Thanksgiving, 2017.

For the very first time, I chose to do Thanksgiving without my ex-spouse. Instead, my boys and I went to a friends house. At this beautiful feast with wonderful friends, my dining partner was a sweet five-year-old girl. Looking down, I noticed her tiny fingernails were all neatly painted. Taking a look at my nails, I noticed how mine were aged and beaten up from my daily grind. Being a mom of three boys, active herself, and always doing chores around the house, I never saw the point of perfect nails. I hadn’t painted mine in years. I guess I just expected them to look “barely presentable”. And yet, in that moment, I wanted what those nails represented: to be a girl again and take care of me. I asked the little girl if she would paint my nails for me. Excitedly using beautiful blue turquoise nail polish (ideal for the ocean lover that I am), she painted my nails perfectly imperfect. With every stroke of the brush, I was reclaiming a new me. A girlish me. One that had been set aside for far too long.

So now, for the first time in my life, my nails have been painted for two solid weeks.

Two. Solid. Freaking. Weeks. Who would have thought two weeks ago?

I CHALLENGE YOU, IN THESE LAST FEW WEEKS OF DECEMBER, TO ASK YOURSELF THIS:

What new things can you take on in 2017? 

Push your Limiting Expectations aside, get Adventurous, and see What is Possible… I’m finding it’s even more fun trying life on with beautiful blue turquoise nails.